Sunday, May 10, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
The present
Lately I feel like I have been on a roller coaster. One minute of the day I am rejoicing, the next minute I am so sad I can barely hold my head up.
Justin and I are in the process of buying a house. We couldn't be more excited!! It is perfect for us. Last night we sat and "planned out" our living room. It was so fun :) We had no intentions of buying. We had a duplex we were ready to sign a lease on. This house is owned by a family friend who is selling it to us for much less than its worth and our house payments will be the same or less than our rent payments would have been. In a time of "economic crisis", God has blessed us beyond what we deserve. I continually thank Him for the way He takes care of us.
I praise God every day for my sweet Chloe. She is such a joy in our lives. This age is SO much fun! She is seriously one of the funniest people I know. She has recently started making up stories. She has an imaginary snake and loves to ask you if you want to pet her. It cracks me up!
We are still struggling to get pregnant. I am all over the place about this. Most often I am at peace with God's timing, but there are definitely moments of abundant sadness. I have always known we would have several children. I had hoped the majority of them would come from my own womb, but more and more I am beginning to question that. I think God placed adoption on my heart a long time ago, but I just don't feel ready for that yet. I'm praying for the Lord to open my womb and allow me to carry another child. Will you join me in this, please? I think the hardest part of this is that I feel so alone. Justin knows I am hurting, but as a man, he just doesn't "get it". My close friends are amazing, but don't have children so its hard to explain exactly what I am feeling. I am trying to find refuge in God, but sometimes I just need a human shoulder.
I was reading another blog and came across the following devotion:
"There is no randomness about your life. Most people let their moments slip through their fingers, half-lived. They avoid the present by worrying about the future or longing for a better time and place. They forget that they are creatures subject to the limitations of time and place. They forget their Creator, who walks with them only in the present.
"Every moment is alive with My glorious Presence, to those whose hearts are intimately connected with Mine. As you give yourself more and more to a lifetime of constant communion with Me, you will find that you simply have no time for worry. Thus, you are freed to let My Spirit direct your steps, enabling you to walk along the path of Peace." Luke 12:25-26, Luke 1:79
Oh, Lord please help me to live in the present. I want to live my fullest life RIGHT NOW. I want to give up my dreams for yours. I don't want to let these precious moments slip through my fingers. Oh, God work in my heart so I may fully surrender to your plan for me and our family. Amen.
Justin and I are in the process of buying a house. We couldn't be more excited!! It is perfect for us. Last night we sat and "planned out" our living room. It was so fun :) We had no intentions of buying. We had a duplex we were ready to sign a lease on. This house is owned by a family friend who is selling it to us for much less than its worth and our house payments will be the same or less than our rent payments would have been. In a time of "economic crisis", God has blessed us beyond what we deserve. I continually thank Him for the way He takes care of us.
I praise God every day for my sweet Chloe. She is such a joy in our lives. This age is SO much fun! She is seriously one of the funniest people I know. She has recently started making up stories. She has an imaginary snake and loves to ask you if you want to pet her. It cracks me up!
We are still struggling to get pregnant. I am all over the place about this. Most often I am at peace with God's timing, but there are definitely moments of abundant sadness. I have always known we would have several children. I had hoped the majority of them would come from my own womb, but more and more I am beginning to question that. I think God placed adoption on my heart a long time ago, but I just don't feel ready for that yet. I'm praying for the Lord to open my womb and allow me to carry another child. Will you join me in this, please? I think the hardest part of this is that I feel so alone. Justin knows I am hurting, but as a man, he just doesn't "get it". My close friends are amazing, but don't have children so its hard to explain exactly what I am feeling. I am trying to find refuge in God, but sometimes I just need a human shoulder.
I was reading another blog and came across the following devotion:
"There is no randomness about your life. Most people let their moments slip through their fingers, half-lived. They avoid the present by worrying about the future or longing for a better time and place. They forget that they are creatures subject to the limitations of time and place. They forget their Creator, who walks with them only in the present.
"Every moment is alive with My glorious Presence, to those whose hearts are intimately connected with Mine. As you give yourself more and more to a lifetime of constant communion with Me, you will find that you simply have no time for worry. Thus, you are freed to let My Spirit direct your steps, enabling you to walk along the path of Peace." Luke 12:25-26, Luke 1:79
Oh, Lord please help me to live in the present. I want to live my fullest life RIGHT NOW. I want to give up my dreams for yours. I don't want to let these precious moments slip through my fingers. Oh, God work in my heart so I may fully surrender to your plan for me and our family. Amen.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
A really great weekend!
Yesterday morning my sister and I left for Branson around 9:45. We stopped at Fantastic Caverns on the way down to marvel at an amazing cave that you can ride through and also ate at the home of "throwed rolls", Lamberts, for lunch. It was a lot of fun!
We got to Branson at about 4:30, stopped at Walmart to get some supplies, and met up with mom at the hotel to make our Stellan sign.
We got to the conference center at 6:30, doors opened at 7:00. We got a really great seats about 5 rows back. We were so lucky that my mom has AMAZING friends who allowed us to use their wristbands for the concert (Thank you Patty and Vicki!) I was a little discouraged because we still hadn't heard anything back from Angie, as we had left her our phone numbers and email (although I don't blame her for not calling us...we could have been crazy people...well...crazier than we are!). About 6:45 I saw Angie's sweet daughter Kate bouncing down the stairs of a "staff only" hallway. Quickly after that came Angie's other daughters followed by their beautiful mother. I freaked out! I looked at mom and said, "THAT'S HER!" I didn't know what to do! I grabbed my camera and ran to her.
When I got to her, I introduced myself, told her we were the ones with the Stellan sign and she quickly knew who I was. We hugged and then things got a little awkward. Angie was trying to figure out a place to sit (for some reason they didn't have a reserved section for her and the girls), so a man who worked at the conference center told her they had seats available at the very top, which Angie kindly said would work just fine (meanwhile I was thinking...Ummm...DO YOU KNOW WHO SHE IS!? Are you seriously making her sit in the balcony?). She turned to me and said, "Do you want me to come over to where you're sitting and we can take the picture"? But the man kept pushing her along trying to escort her to her seat. Angie kept saying "I'm fine, really...I can find it", but the man insisted. SO, I told Angie I would come find her after I got my mom and sister.
We went up to the balcony, took pictures and then I got to talk to her for a few minutes (which felt like only seconds). I thanked her for being such an encouragement to me and so many others, we talked about Stellan, and then we hugged. It was such an amazing moment and I was on cloud 9 the whole rest of the night. I wish so much that I could have talked to her longer. Part of me wishes I would have moved seats and gone to sit with her up top (but I felt like that might be a little stalker-ish). She was just as sweet as I had imagined and their girls are cute as can be.
So, to sum things up, I had an AMAZING weekend :)
Here's me and Angie (isn't she beautiful?):
Our sign for Stellan!
We got to Branson at about 4:30, stopped at Walmart to get some supplies, and met up with mom at the hotel to make our Stellan sign.
We got to the conference center at 6:30, doors opened at 7:00. We got a really great seats about 5 rows back. We were so lucky that my mom has AMAZING friends who allowed us to use their wristbands for the concert (Thank you Patty and Vicki!) I was a little discouraged because we still hadn't heard anything back from Angie, as we had left her our phone numbers and email (although I don't blame her for not calling us...we could have been crazy people...well...crazier than we are!). About 6:45 I saw Angie's sweet daughter Kate bouncing down the stairs of a "staff only" hallway. Quickly after that came Angie's other daughters followed by their beautiful mother. I freaked out! I looked at mom and said, "THAT'S HER!" I didn't know what to do! I grabbed my camera and ran to her.
When I got to her, I introduced myself, told her we were the ones with the Stellan sign and she quickly knew who I was. We hugged and then things got a little awkward. Angie was trying to figure out a place to sit (for some reason they didn't have a reserved section for her and the girls), so a man who worked at the conference center told her they had seats available at the very top, which Angie kindly said would work just fine (meanwhile I was thinking...Ummm...DO YOU KNOW WHO SHE IS!? Are you seriously making her sit in the balcony?). She turned to me and said, "Do you want me to come over to where you're sitting and we can take the picture"? But the man kept pushing her along trying to escort her to her seat. Angie kept saying "I'm fine, really...I can find it", but the man insisted. SO, I told Angie I would come find her after I got my mom and sister.
We went up to the balcony, took pictures and then I got to talk to her for a few minutes (which felt like only seconds). I thanked her for being such an encouragement to me and so many others, we talked about Stellan, and then we hugged. It was such an amazing moment and I was on cloud 9 the whole rest of the night. I wish so much that I could have talked to her longer. Part of me wishes I would have moved seats and gone to sit with her up top (but I felt like that might be a little stalker-ish). She was just as sweet as I had imagined and their girls are cute as can be.
So, to sum things up, I had an AMAZING weekend :)
Here's me and Angie (isn't she beautiful?):
Our sign for Stellan!
Friday, April 17, 2009
I'm so excited and I just can't hide it!!
I might be meeting Angie Smith (writer of Bring the Rain, wife of Todd Smith - lead singer of Selah, amazing woman who I blogged about here). My mom is at a conference in Branson that I was suppose to go to. Selah is doing a concert on Saturday night of the conference. I had emailed Angie to see if she would be there also. At the time, she thought she wouldn't be able to go. The friends I had planned to go with were unable to go, so I gave up my tickets. I was bummed, but not TOO bummed since I knew Angie wouldn't be there.
Well, last night my mom emailed Angie about making a sign for Stellan (a little baby of another blogger I love) and having Todd take a picture of all the woman at the conference praying for him. Angie said she LOVED the idea and mom got the feeling from the email that maybe Angie WAS going to be at the conference.
Turns out, SHE IS! I freaked out, actually cried a little because I realized I could have been there!, and then my mom suggested my sister and I just drive to Branson and see her! And I thought that was a GRRRREAT idea!! Lindsey and I are leaving at 9 tomorrow morning and are going to spend the day in Branson and then hopefully go to the concert (if we can find tickets -- my mom said she would give up hers!) tomorrow night. I am hoping and praying that she will get in contact with us so I can see her and hug her and tell her thank you for being such an encouragement in my life!! I can't even tell you how EXCITED I am about this!!
I really hope to have some pictures of Angie and me after this weekend! If I do, I will definitely post them!
AHHHH!!! I'm so excited!
Well, last night my mom emailed Angie about making a sign for Stellan (a little baby of another blogger I love) and having Todd take a picture of all the woman at the conference praying for him. Angie said she LOVED the idea and mom got the feeling from the email that maybe Angie WAS going to be at the conference.
Turns out, SHE IS! I freaked out, actually cried a little because I realized I could have been there!, and then my mom suggested my sister and I just drive to Branson and see her! And I thought that was a GRRRREAT idea!! Lindsey and I are leaving at 9 tomorrow morning and are going to spend the day in Branson and then hopefully go to the concert (if we can find tickets -- my mom said she would give up hers!) tomorrow night. I am hoping and praying that she will get in contact with us so I can see her and hug her and tell her thank you for being such an encouragement in my life!! I can't even tell you how EXCITED I am about this!!
I really hope to have some pictures of Angie and me after this weekend! If I do, I will definitely post them!
AHHHH!!! I'm so excited!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Make that TWICE!!
She peed in the potty AGAIN!!
I am so proud of her! She was eating lunch and told me she had to potty. I took her into the bathroom and she started squirming and acted like she wasn't going to go. I bribed her with m&ms and she peed immediately.
God is so good! A day that started out sad by finding out we aren't pregnant again this month, has turned into such a joyous day! It's the small things in life, right? :)
I am so proud of her! She was eating lunch and told me she had to potty. I took her into the bathroom and she started squirming and acted like she wasn't going to go. I bribed her with m&ms and she peed immediately.
God is so good! A day that started out sad by finding out we aren't pregnant again this month, has turned into such a joyous day! It's the small things in life, right? :)
Life is good....
Chloe peed on the potty today!!!! I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am about this. We have been working on potty training on and off for about 6 months and she just couldn't seem to figure out how to actually GO while she was sitting on the potty.
Not this morning! This morning she told me she had to go, asked me to turn the water on, and then peed!
HALLELUJAH!
**She may or may not have proceeded to pee her pants 10 minutes later. ;)
Not this morning! This morning she told me she had to go, asked me to turn the water on, and then peed!
HALLELUJAH!
**She may or may not have proceeded to pee her pants 10 minutes later. ;)
Monday, February 16, 2009
It's been a while.
To say I have neglected my blog would be a HUGE understatement. It has not been for lack of things to say, necessarily. Maybe a little laziness. Maybe a little insecurity about the new direction I want my blog to take, but not feeling adequate to write about such things. I'm not sure really. But I'm back!
I have been going through a hard/weird time lately and am trying to find myself and my passions again.
Some of the more difficult things in my life right now are: Justin and I are on our 7 month of trying to have another baby, I feel like I'm just "living life" and not really passionate about much, I feel very distant from my close girlfriends, Justin and I are in the process of switching churches, so leaving our old church has been hard along with trying to integrate into the new church, we are living with my parents (which has been going wonderfully!!), but I yearn to have our own place again and am looking for places to rent that are in our budget (not an easy task!), and my lack of time management screams failure at me daily (although I am SLOWLY getting better).
Some great things in my life are: My marriage is going great and I feel like Justin and I are connecting, Chloe continues to be a joy and I thank God for her every day (I don't know how first time moms deal with struggling to get pregnant!), and I am in the beginning stages of becoming a doula (a birth coach/assistant).
I am working through some of the "crappy" stuff and trying to figure out practical ways to make each of the areas better.
I promise to be posting on here more and not wait another 2 months for the next entry! YIKES!
PS. I also updated pictures on Chloe's blog as well (chloeannsmith.blogspot.com).
I have been going through a hard/weird time lately and am trying to find myself and my passions again.
Some of the more difficult things in my life right now are: Justin and I are on our 7 month of trying to have another baby, I feel like I'm just "living life" and not really passionate about much, I feel very distant from my close girlfriends, Justin and I are in the process of switching churches, so leaving our old church has been hard along with trying to integrate into the new church, we are living with my parents (which has been going wonderfully!!), but I yearn to have our own place again and am looking for places to rent that are in our budget (not an easy task!), and my lack of time management screams failure at me daily (although I am SLOWLY getting better).
Some great things in my life are: My marriage is going great and I feel like Justin and I are connecting, Chloe continues to be a joy and I thank God for her every day (I don't know how first time moms deal with struggling to get pregnant!), and I am in the beginning stages of becoming a doula (a birth coach/assistant).
I am working through some of the "crappy" stuff and trying to figure out practical ways to make each of the areas better.
I promise to be posting on here more and not wait another 2 months for the next entry! YIKES!
PS. I also updated pictures on Chloe's blog as well (chloeannsmith.blogspot.com).
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