Monday, June 29, 2009

I'm just sad.

Some days are better than others. Today has just been a sad one for me.

I'm trying to keep my eyes on Jesus, but sometimes I just get lost in the haze of my tears. Not being able to get pregnant is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with/go through.

I know God is refining me.

I'm willing.

I'm trusting.

I'm just sad.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

No more sleeping in the pews

In my "submission" post I touched on the fact that Justin and I have found a new church. Well, Desperation Church (DC) is officially our new "home". Justin and I went through the base classes (which are classes that people have to take to become members) and we couldn't be more excited. We feel so at home there and are SO excited about the things that are happening. I think the thing I love most about DC is that we WANT to go. I really get pretty bummed out if we have to miss a weekend and honestly, its been a while since I have felt that way about church. I believe, that is what God intended church to be -- a place where you're EXCITED to go! We are so excited to run passionately after God with a group of people who are just real and ready to love Jesus, not just in the pews, but everywhere.

One really awesome thing that DC does is that we have W.O.W weekends (church WithOut Walls). Basically we don't have our "normal" meetings, but instead go out and serve the community. WOW weekends are not about DC, but about sharing Christ with our community. It rocks, really. :)

The first one was to nursing homes around the city. We met with the sweet people living in the nursing homes. Chloe and I sat and talked with two hilarious women who just couldn't get enough of her. Others helped plant flowers, clean out basements, or do just whatever the facility needed. It felt awesome to be God's hands and feet that day.

The next WOW weekend we did free car washes and a community picnic. I think everyone had a blast cleaning people's cars for them and just allowing them to feel "special" for a few minutes while their car got a good washing. Many people offered to donate money, but the best thing I got to say all day was, "No thank you. We WANT to do this for you, free of charge". Isn't that what God says to us? We try so hard to "pay" him with our works or our earn our salvation, but instead He says, "No thank you. We (me, my son, and spirit) WANT to do this for you, free of charge." Man we serve an awesome God! I also have another story about this weekend, but I want to save it for a different post.

Next weekend we are handing out free bags of groceries to the community. I'm praying that people who are truly in need of these groceries, who maybe are having a hard time getting food on the table for their children, will get the flyer and know that we are there to help them out. Most of all though, I am just praying that that people, in need or not, will come and be filled -- with food AND with Jesus! Will you join me?

Time to Think....

As the inital shock of the "april's mom" scam has worn off I can say I am at least a little bit less freaked out! Over the past couple of weeks I have been trying to decide if keeping this blog private is the best way to go. I DO post pictures of Chloe and information about our family, so that is my biggest concern. I have come to realize though, that there are people who have "subscribed" to my blog that I don't even know. I'm sure they are "friends of a friend", or like I often do, clicked from one blog to another and ended up here. While it's kind of concerning that I don't know these people, it also makes me think that maybe I should leave my blog open so maybe, hopefully, my words may be an encouragement to them.

I have found some "blog" friends who are struggling through secondary infertility as well and if my words about that can bring them at least some hope (just as many of them have brought me hope), then maybe its worth it to keep my blog open. I have gotten emails from women who are in the same stage of life and just want to give an encouraging word because I wrote something that struck them.

I just feel like maybe there really are more good people than there are bad and instead of letting the "bad" ones intimidate me, I will let the good ones lift me up through their blogs and hopefully I can do the same for someone else.

So, after some thought and reflection, I think I am going to make my blog public again in hopes of allowing God to work through my words and encourage others.

As well, I am going to delete the "april rose" posts I wrote because they really aren't all that important and its not something I want to dwell on.